Adulterer to Bride: 24 Steps Back To My Beloved

My name is Jessica Logan, and I am an adulterer. I am on a 24-step journey to recovery, so that I might return to being a faithful bride. The first step is admitting that you have a problem and that you are helpless to fix this problem on your own. So here’s to step 1:

Sunday Night, I was sitting with a girl I have started mentoring, and we were meeting for the first time in a while due to conflicting schedules this summer, so I was prepared to have a lot to listen to and talk through with her, only little did I know, that I would be floored with the reality of my own life. She and I talked through many things that the Lord has been teaching her, things she was still struggling with, and through our conversation, we were led to the topic of SOCIAL NETWORKS. She had talked about how she had found herself consumed with social media, and so naturally I found myself blurting out,

“THEN GET RID OF IT; FOR 24 DAYS.”

She looked at me, stunned, and instantly cried out, “I can’t do that! Social Media is like my life, and I could barely go 10 days without it when I was challenged one time!” I first shot her a look, as if “That is a sheer sign that this needs to happen,” but then I allowed this next sentence blurt out of my mouth so fast that there was no way that I was in control of my mouth at that point, because if my flesh had been, I would have never said these words:

“I WILL DO IT WITH YOU.”

Now, at the time I was saying this, I was thinking two things: the first was how in the heck did I just let those words come out of my mouth!? But the second was Oh, this will be such a cool way to support Annalee. But of course, in my bible study with my co-workers we have on Mondays, we were digging into a passage in James, and the Lord showed me that this challenge was not just for her. We were reading through James 4, the first 12 verses, and in the first section, James begins addressing the behaviors of the people, and how they are acting like the world. He says that they murder[and/or hate] because they don’t get what the want, they fight over what they don’t have, they don’t receive because they don’t ask, or they don’t get what they ask for because their requests are selfish and/or ungodly requests. Then in verse 4, he calls them[us] like they[we] are:

You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. | James 4:4

And I threw up in the office because I got punched so hard….

Not really, but pretty close. I get angry at people and fight over what I want or what I think I should have, even if subtly. I don’t get things that I pray for, because the ambitions of my heart for those things is to please myself or to boost my status and bring glory to myself. I am friends with the world, while claiming that I am in love with God.

I am an adulterer.

As part of the church I am Christ’s bride, and I have been unfaithful in my affections and my obedience and my love and praise, and have given them to another. I have let the world steal my eyes from my Beloved, and allow me to dance with sin. For so long, I thought that My Beloved would never know. That I could hide behind my worship and my knowledge and wisdom, and my prayers, and he would never know that I my eyes were set on another. But he knew. He always knew. He could see through my masks, and facade. I have been caught in adultery. But just as Jesus showed the woman caught in adultery grace and forgiveness, this he also has extended to me.

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. | James 4:6-8

Jesus states to “go and sin no more”( John 8:11). I must humbly draw near to my Beloved, and cleanse my hands and purify my heart so as to be restored as the precious bride that Christ calls me.

That being said, these next 24 days for me is my journey to restoration as a bride. Each day will be a step back toward my Beloved, and each day as I draw near to Him, He draws near to me, cleansing me of all unrighteousness, of all filth, romancing me and wooing my heart again.

Here’s to recovery, to restoration, and to an unfailing love that is ravishing my heart all over again. Here’s to my Beloved. ❤

Bride1

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One thought on “Adulterer to Bride: 24 Steps Back To My Beloved

  1. Wow Jess, this brought tears to my eyes. Not only because it’s so eloquently written but also because of WHAT was written. To read & see myself as an adulterer is heartbreaking but it also makes me mindful of how I should restore myself to being Christ’s bride. Great post girly!

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