Dating 101: A Christian View to a Cultural Mess!



I posted a Facebook status about dating last night, and I got a LOT of positive feedback, so I wanted to share on my blog, but include more of the further discussion of the topic that were in the comments. So this will be quoted and woven together directly from my Facebook Status, but will be my thoughts. If you would like to read all of the comments that went with this, you can check out my status at

I’m probably going to get a lot of controversial statements on this, but that’s okay, but please be respectful in your comments.

I believe our culture today has the wrong idea of what dating is. Because dating in today’s world, especially in the younger age has turned into a security thing where people want acceptance or love so they seek it out through relationships, or it is just the cool thing to do, or it’s to give excuse for physical intimacy, which many times has become too physically intimate for a non-married couple.
Dating, whether you like it or not, was designed in our culture to assist the process of finding a spouse. So it’s not meant to be just a recreational activity that everyone does. And believe it or not, but
dating IS NOT BIBLICAL, therefore it’s not a necessity. And every time you are in a relationship, you emotionally attach yourself to that person in some way, which means if things don’t work out, you still have some sort of emotional attachment left there afterwards.
So, that being said, I am not discouraging dating, but rather than just throwing your heart around or using dating to fill some sort of void in your life, use it for what is was designed for.
I want to explain to you even further that I DO NOT think that dating is WRONG. I think it can be a very useful tool in helping you find a spouse. But I can also tell you, because my parents’ story is exactly this, is that you can find a spouse without it. My parents were best friends for two and a half years, and as they grew closer in their friendship, they began to fall in love as well, and then got married without ever “dating”. I also have a handful of friends who have had very similar stories! Now, this is a scenario that doesn’t always happen, but I just use it to show that it is possible to find your spouse or to figure out the type of person that you would want to marry without dating them. I also do think that there are relationships, even ones that aren’t going to work out, that the Lord places in our lives to teach us things, about what we do or don’t want in a spouse, or bring us closer to the Lord. What I am really trying to get at is that dating just needs to be taken more seriously. You shouldn’t date someone for the sake of dating, but to grow closer to them to see if there could be a possibility of a future together. And also that it is possible to get to know someone and to become close with someone without slapping the title on there.

Build friendships with people first and get to know their hearts as a friend before you consider them as dating material, and then really ask the question, could you see yourself head in the direction of marriage someday with this person. Not to say you have to know whether or not they are the one before you date, but just keep that in the back of your mind, so as to keep your eyes on what you are dating for. I DO NOT think you should say “I AM GOING TO MARRY THEM” as soon as you get into a relationship, but I DO think you should be able to say “I could consider the possibility down the road, but I also know that it might not work out.” Because if I couldn’t even picture the possibility of marrying them, why would I even waste my time dating them?

I do caution people who take dating too seriously every time. I will emphasize again that I don’t believe that you should expect that every time you date someone, that they are “The ONE”, because more times than not, the first person you date is not going to be your future spouse(now there is always exceptions), and so in order to protect your heart, I think there needs to be a balance. Have fun while dating, and know that there is the possibility that it might not work out, but keep in mind that dating has a purpose that is not simply recreational.

The Lord wants to guard your heart, so trust His timing and His guidance through it all, and you will not be disappointed!


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